A Revolution Calling...

I called out to the two individuals dressed as utility workers standing on either side of my vehicle. "What are you doing?" But it was blatantly obvious. They were New England Revolution fans, celebrating the Revs' advancement to the MLS Cup Final. It seemed that they had decided to include overturning my car in their postgame revelry. However, upon seeing me, they scurried off into the Somervillian night to continue their celebration elsewhere. Perhaps my imposing 5' 11.125" frame had served as a deterrent. Or maybe my Revolution t-shirt identified me as a like-minded soul. I'd like to think both were factors. Either way, I was ecstatic that the Revs had been victorious, and relieved that my car had survived the rowdy, melodious aftermath of the victory.

New England's 1-0 win over the Chicago Fire was the team's third consecutive shutout. MLS Defender of the Year Michael Parkhurst had another standout performance, and goalie Matt Reis had ten saves. The team has not conceded a goal since I got my lucky Revolution Crocs.

The only goal of the game was a brilliant one by Taylor Twellman, which was not surprising as he scores pretty much all of the Revs' playoff goals. The manner in which he scored was rather surprising, however. An incredible bicycle kick between two defenders which beat the poorly-positioned Fire goalkeeper. It was the type of goal you usually only see in great soccer movies, once disbelief has been suspended. Like the one scored by Brazilian great Pele in "Victory." (Goal is 5 min 40 sec into clip.) Or the one set up by American superstar Amanda Bynes in the cinematic masterpiece "She's the Man." Except Twellman's goal was scored in the 38th minute, which made it a bit less climactic than those other two goals.

The Fire bombarded Reis and the Revs for most of the remainder of the game, but were unable to score. Surprisingly, the Fire allowed Costa Rican forward Paulo Wanchope to remain on the field for the entire game, despite the fact that he was about as mobile as your typical corner flag. Another Fire-related question is whether their insignia seems vaguely familiar to anyone besides myself. The Fire will have to content themselves with the fact that forward Cuauhtemoc Blanco's goal in Week 20 was voted the Sierra Mist Goal of the Year, in a Rory Fitzpatrick-esque travesty that calls the whole voting system into question. Michael Parkhurst should have won for his goal from midfield in Week 29.

The Revolution will attempt to win their 1st MLS Championship this Sunday in DC, against the Houston Dynamo. If that matchup sounds familiar, it may be because the same two teams played in last season's MLS Cup. The Dynamo won that one, but the particulars are too obscene to relate on this family-oriented blog. This Sunday, the Revs will be victorious, 1-0, on a Taylor Twellman goal. And Revs defender James Riley will be dancing on a flatbed truck in Boston less than 48 hours later. Boston doesn't lose championship games these days.

Go Green

(The following post was originally written on recycled paper.)

There were some positives to take from the Eagles' 38-17 trashing at the hands of the Dallas Cowboys. Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens was held to only 10 catches, with an average of less than 17.40001 yards/catch. Dallas quarterback Tony Romo's QB rating for the game was less than 141.7001. Eagles punter Sav Rocca had that really good punt that pinned the Cowboys in their own end that one time. Eagles kicker David Akers had a sweet onside kick. There may have been more positives, but I am reticent to read any of the game stories on philly.com. The headlines, which include words like "denial", "decline", and "roadkill", are much too disconcerting. My pain tolerance has already been tested enough.

Instead of the actual game, let's focus on all of the good that was done for the environment last night. Fans inhaled their beer out of cups made from corn, which will biodegrade in 45 days. This is a much longer survival time than the Eagles' playoff chances seem likely to have. The fans recycled those cups less than 46 feet away from the point-of-sale, covering about as much yardage as Eagles' QB Donovan McNabb's average completion. Those fans staggered their departure times from the stadium, based on their own personal pain tolerances. The stadium emptied out in increments, so there was less traffic, and pesky auto emissions were reduced. Most fans watching the game at home had turned off their televisions long before the blowout was over, thus saving additional power. This is no longer the organization that once drafted OT Kevin Allen, a player who's best talent was "standing around killing the grass." (My favorite Buddy Ryan quote.) They are the most environmentally-sound team in the NFL.

Of course, it's possible that the Eagles are about to embark on a miraculous playoff run. Stranger things have happened. (Like trading up to draft Mike Mamula.) Perhaps they can win in Washington. The Dolphins haven't actually won a game yet, so they are beatable. Maybe the same striking TV writers who served as the officials for the Pats-Colts game will be in charge of the Eagles-Pats game on the 25th. I'll be watching, if only to see Sav Rocca finally put one his punts into orbit.

Disclosure

(The following post is explicit in nature and may not be suitable for young readers. If you are fewer than 18 years of age, please click here.)

A frightening discovery was made today at stately PFiRSN manor. A horror even more disturbing than J.D. Drew's contract terms. While incorporating books from The Great Pile into the bookcases, a copy of CHB's 1996 book "At Fenway" was found on one of the lower shelves of a bookcase located in the East Wing.

PFiRSN would like to assure it's reader(s) that the presence of this book is not an implied endorsement of the author, or of the book's content. The fact that the book is autographed by CHB should not imply that PFiRSN purchased the book and/or asked it's author to sign it. The book was given as a gift, at no cost to this blogger. The approximate value of the book is not in excess of $25, so this possession is not in violation of the Uniform Gifts to Bloggers Act (UGBA).

PFiRSN regrets any appearance of impropriety, and will dispose of the book in a timely manner.
PFiRSN will conduct a thorough, and immediate, inventory of all current possessions to ensure that a similar situation does not arise in the future.

Prediction

HUGE football game this Sunday. The top two teams in the conference square off. Two outstanding offenses. Two of the top QB's in the NFL. Dominating defenses. Two of the best punters in football.

PREDICTION: It's going to be a close one. 25-20, Eagles.

(Oh, and Patriots 31, Colts 24.)

Schilling pitches

On the flight home from Colorado, the Red Sox players unwound in different ways. David Ortiz played cards. Kevin Youkilis napped on the floor. Coco Crisp spoke to Jacoby Ellsbury about the wonders of base jumping.

Curt Schilling was more productive, as he caught up on some of his correspondence. PFiRSN's Covert Surveillance operatives were able to obtain some of his messages.

Mark,
I have the real ball. Make me an offer.
Curt Schilling

Kyle,
Congratulations on your successful rookie season. It looks like we'll be teammates next season, and I was wondering if I could have #38. It would mean a lot to me. I believe #25 is currently available.

Thanks,
Curt Schilling

Javier,
Thank you for interest in employment opportunities at 38 Studios. At the present time, there are no open positions that are an appropriate fit for your particular skill set. We will retain your application for three months, and will be in contact with you should a suitable position become available. Good luck with your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Curt Schilling

Dan,
Bygones?

Curt

Champions

The ducks are probably the biggest winners here. The Red Sox winning the World Series is a Significant Triumph. Those Sox fans prescient enough to take advantage of The Monster Deal are enjoying their free furniture. (No free furniture here. Though there is a previously owned mattress up for grabs next to the dumpster out back.) But, after 4402 of their brethren met their doom at the killing hand of a young closer last winter, the ducks can breathe a little easier this time around. While they still have to be wary of the Peregrine Falcon and the Timlin, Jonathan Robert Papelbon will be a bit too busy for duck hunting this offseason.

Papelbon followed up a postseason of scoreless pitching by dancing through the streets of Boston. 'Twas a beautiful thing. The Winter of Papelbon has just begun, however. Next, he'll be jigging his way through the late night TV circuit. There will be the Guitar Hero endorsements. Papelbon at The White House. The Dancing with the Stars appearance with his ultra-talented dance partner, Amalie Benjamin. The series of children's books. (Think Berenstain Bears meets Harry Potter.) No more shilling Barber Chicken for the inimitable Sox closer. He's hit the big time now!

The rest of the 2007 World Champion Red Sox should be be back, and even better, next season. Curt Schilling will probably be my 2nd favorite Phillies blogger (#1), but both Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz are more than serviceable rotation options. Eric Gagne will be "pitching" in the National League, and Royce Clayton will be a Management Trainee at the Taco Bell on Comm. Ave., but they were forgotten Red Sox long before today. Josh Beckett will be pursuing his second consecutive Cy Young Award, with a fully-acclimated Daisuke Matsuzaka as his main competition. There's no way Mike Lowell and Tim Wakefield play for another team next season. Papi and Manny will be back, Manny armed with a prototype batting helmet that can be remotely ejected by Batshit Tavarez. Pedroia. Edes. Youkilis. Benjamin. Ellsbury. The 2007 season has just ended, but I can't wait to see this team next season. Though they will have a lot more difficulty in the 2008 World Series with the Phillies, than they did with the Rockies.

As a Rule 5 blogger, I anticipate spending the first few months of next season posting for the Pawtucket Red Sox. But a midseason callup is not out of the question. When the Red Sox need a northpaw reliever in the playoffs, I'll be ready to put down my drumsticks and set up for Papelbon. When an HBP is needed to win free tacos for all, I'm your guy. I just hope that the internet connectivity issues that have plagued me this past week don't resurface during next season's Red Sox-Phillies Fall Classic. That matchup will require some prolific blogging in these parts. Plus, without internet, I can't instantaneously determine whether the actor in the movie I'm watching was also the roadie in "Rock Star." Who wants to live like that?

The Sox won't play another game for more than four months, but there are many significant personnel decisions to be made in that time. Papelbon will be omnipresent during the offseason, and the Ellsbury Taco Bell commercials will be as ubiquitous as those damn W.B. Mason ads. If you thought Ellsbury was a great ballplayer, wait until you see him in those Taco Bell ads, co-starring with the Official Scorer who didn't rule "defensive indifference." It will be no time at all before the Sox equipment crew is loading up The Truck, and Julian Tavarez is letting the press know when Manny Ramirez will be reporting to Spring Training.