Champions

The ducks are probably the biggest winners here. The Red Sox winning the World Series is a Significant Triumph. Those Sox fans prescient enough to take advantage of The Monster Deal are enjoying their free furniture. (No free furniture here. Though there is a previously owned mattress up for grabs next to the dumpster out back.) But, after 4402 of their brethren met their doom at the killing hand of a young closer last winter, the ducks can breathe a little easier this time around. While they still have to be wary of the Peregrine Falcon and the Timlin, Jonathan Robert Papelbon will be a bit too busy for duck hunting this offseason.

Papelbon followed up a postseason of scoreless pitching by dancing through the streets of Boston. 'Twas a beautiful thing. The Winter of Papelbon has just begun, however. Next, he'll be jigging his way through the late night TV circuit. There will be the Guitar Hero endorsements. Papelbon at The White House. The Dancing with the Stars appearance with his ultra-talented dance partner, Amalie Benjamin. The series of children's books. (Think Berenstain Bears meets Harry Potter.) No more shilling Barber Chicken for the inimitable Sox closer. He's hit the big time now!

The rest of the 2007 World Champion Red Sox should be be back, and even better, next season. Curt Schilling will probably be my 2nd favorite Phillies blogger (#1), but both Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz are more than serviceable rotation options. Eric Gagne will be "pitching" in the National League, and Royce Clayton will be a Management Trainee at the Taco Bell on Comm. Ave., but they were forgotten Red Sox long before today. Josh Beckett will be pursuing his second consecutive Cy Young Award, with a fully-acclimated Daisuke Matsuzaka as his main competition. There's no way Mike Lowell and Tim Wakefield play for another team next season. Papi and Manny will be back, Manny armed with a prototype batting helmet that can be remotely ejected by Batshit Tavarez. Pedroia. Edes. Youkilis. Benjamin. Ellsbury. The 2007 season has just ended, but I can't wait to see this team next season. Though they will have a lot more difficulty in the 2008 World Series with the Phillies, than they did with the Rockies.

As a Rule 5 blogger, I anticipate spending the first few months of next season posting for the Pawtucket Red Sox. But a midseason callup is not out of the question. When the Red Sox need a northpaw reliever in the playoffs, I'll be ready to put down my drumsticks and set up for Papelbon. When an HBP is needed to win free tacos for all, I'm your guy. I just hope that the internet connectivity issues that have plagued me this past week don't resurface during next season's Red Sox-Phillies Fall Classic. That matchup will require some prolific blogging in these parts. Plus, without internet, I can't instantaneously determine whether the actor in the movie I'm watching was also the roadie in "Rock Star." Who wants to live like that?

The Sox won't play another game for more than four months, but there are many significant personnel decisions to be made in that time. Papelbon will be omnipresent during the offseason, and the Ellsbury Taco Bell commercials will be as ubiquitous as those damn W.B. Mason ads. If you thought Ellsbury was a great ballplayer, wait until you see him in those Taco Bell ads, co-starring with the Official Scorer who didn't rule "defensive indifference." It will be no time at all before the Sox equipment crew is loading up The Truck, and Julian Tavarez is letting the press know when Manny Ramirez will be reporting to Spring Training.

SOXtober Dream Almost Realized

"Hold on. I've got somethin' for ya, kid." Jonathan Papelbon had just pitched two scoreless innings to save Game 7, and was wrapping up yet another memorable interview. The Cleveland Indians had been defeated in Game 7, and exiled to their City of Midges and Discarded Rally Towels. (Apparently, Tribe Time is Not Now.)

Jonathan Robert was just getting started. He brought the same determination with which he closed out the game back to the field- for the Game 7 postgame celebration/dance-a-thon! With two playoff series wins under his belt, his Irish jig skills are becoming highly developed. Transformers. A Series win could give the inimitable closer the exposure necessary to take his already considerable dancing abilities to the next level.

Down three games to one in a seven game series, the pundits didn't seem to think much of the Red Sox' chances. Baseball Factory was analyzing the potential late-innings matchup between Indians reliever Rafael Betancourt and Rockies pinch-hitter Seth Smith. Hardball Prospectus was advocating using Ryan Garko in right field, so that Pronk could play first base in the Fall Classic games played in Colorado. Baseball Guru Tim McCarver believed that the only way Boston could win the series against Cleveland would be for the Red Sox to win four games before the Indians did. Transformers. Red Sox fans weren't concerned, however. We know how the story of the 2007 Red Sox will end. With a Papelbon-Beckett Dance-Off, Duck Boats, and free couches for all!

The Sox Heroes were many. Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis blasted homers, triggering appearances by The Blond Cameraperson. (Almost as good as Bernie Brewer in Milwaukee. Almost.) J.D. Drew had a HUGE grand slam, which will, hopefully, enhance his offseason trade value. Julio Lugo worked Cleveland pitching for more than two pitches/at bat, helping sap their strength. Curt Schilling and Daisuke Matsuzaka, after lackluster first starts, pitched well in the elimination games. Transformers. Kyle Snyder was an imposing deterrent when the benches cleared. Eric Serge Gagne managed to only blow a single game. Josh Beckett was Koufaxian, as he joined the former Dodgers southpaw in the Hall of Playoff Greatness. (Conveniently located in Coopertown.) While Koufax's postseason ERA of 0.95 is (currently) lower than Beckett's, no one can match Beckett's interview performances. He is an immensely talented wordsmith, with an incomparable dexterity with metaphors. A post-baseball career as a diplomat seems to be in the cards for Beckett. Unless he throws us a curve and goes into politics.

Terry Francona also did a terrific job. While he probably should have replaced Coco Crisp with Jacoby Ellsbury a little sooner (In May, perhaps?), his decision to pitch Beckett on full rest in Game 5, rather than on short rest in Game 4, was key to the Red Sox' success. The decision looks even better now, with Beckett ready to start Game 1 of the World Series. I thought Beckett should have gone on short rest in Game 4, so he could return for a Game 7. I'm glad Francona disagreed with me, and ignored all those e-mails. I hope we can still be pals, Terry. Also, please stop blocking my e-mails- I need to tell you about my Mike Lowell at SS idea.

Unfortunately, the FOX television crew did not do a terrific job. Which was about as surprising as Kevin Cash being left off the ALCS roster. Buck and McCarver- can't believe we have another four games left with them. Yikes. The attempts at subliminal advertising could also have been bothersome- if I wasn't immune to such tactics, as a result of my superior intellect. The late start times are the worst, however. After the game, and all available postgame shows/interviews have run their course, I only have a few hours to sleep before my 5am wakeup call. (Did anyone else sign up for those daily wakeup calls from Julian Tavarez? I can't believe how cheap they were!) This leaves no time for postgame blogging. By the time I escape my employment responsibilities the next night, it's time for another pre-game show/game. (Well, sometimes I become ensnared by NHL Center Ice. I guess it's not all FOX's fault.)

Beckett goes against Francis in Game 1 Wednesday night at Fenway. The Rockies shouldn't be a problem for The Wordsmith. Transformers. Jacoby Ellsbury will be starting in center, and Kyle Snyder is available if the Rockies try to send a physical message by sending enforcer Ryan Spilborghs into the game. The Rockies may have won 21 of 22, but they are due for a few losses. (Binomial Theorem, people!) In less than a week, the Red Sox will be Champions. All I ask of you is Believe. And get those duck boats ready.

Sox Walk Off to 2-0 ALDS Lead

Julio Lugo lead off the 9th inning with a base hit off Angels reliever Justin Speier. With the score tied at 3, Lugo moved to second on a fielder's choice. This left first base open, and Angels Manager Mike Scioscia with the choice of having his ace closer, Francisco Rodriguez, face either David Ortiz or Manny Ramirez with the game on the line. He chose to walk Ortiz, and pitch to Ramirez. As a Sox fan, I think he made the right decision.

Ramirez DEMOLISHED a Rodriguez offering, sending the ball to Commonwealth Avenue, where it put a dent in a B Line train. Manny stood at the plate a moment to admire his work, raising his arms in jubilation, then proceeded around the bases. The Sox players stormed the field to celebrate. Again. It seems they get to do quite a bit of celebrating these days. Manny didn't have much time for celebration, however, as he had to put on a suit as comfortable as his baggy uniform, and report for media availability. His first walkoff homer as a Red Sox was, apparently, reason enough for the slugger to break his media silence.

The Sox would have lost the game in the middle innings, if their bullpen hadn't risen to the occasion. Starter Daisuke Matsuzaka was mediocre, allowing three runs in his four and two-thirds innings of work. He permitted seven hits and three walks. The bullpen SHUT OUT the Angels the rest of the way, on ZERO (0!) hits. Delcarmen, Okajima, Gagne, and Papelbon were BRILLIANT. (OK, Gagne didn't actually pitch. But he would have been unhittable if he had.)
Papelbon got the last four outs, and the victory. The Angels are at the brink of elimination.

Curt Schilling gets the start for the Sox on Sunday afternoon. He is opposed by Jered Weaver, and whomever else the Angels throw out there to try stave off elimination. But, by 6:30pm Eastern time tomorrow, the Sox will have sent Los Angeles into the offseason. Schilling does not lose postseason games. Except when he has to face the Phillies.

Sox Division Lead at 4.5, Papelbon's Cellphone Found!

That was a draining series. For Red Sox players, Red Sox fans, and anyone having to endure the FOX and ESPN broadcasts on consecutive days. (Three hours of Joe Morgan really takes its toll.) On Friday night, the Phillies-Mets and Red Sox-Yankees started their respective battles at the same time. While the Phillies celebrated their ten-inning victory, the Sox and Yanks were still at it. IN THE TOP OF THE SIXTH INNING! The laws of space, time, and baseball don't necessarily apply when the Sox take on the Yanks. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

The Sox only managed to win the second of the three games, though they were only a bullpen meltdown and a little Papi Walk-Off Magic away from a series sweep. But, with the one win, the Sox go into the season's final twelve games with a four and a half game lead over second place New York. Baseball Prospectus gives the Sox a 107.2% chance of making the playoffs, and a 102.3% chance of winning the division. Despite the two losses, things are still looking pretty damn good for Boston.

With the playoffs in mind, the Sox have started to get their playoff rotation in order. Daisuke Matsuzaka will make his next start on Saturday, instead of on his regular fifth day (Wednesday), to slot him in behind 2007 AL Cy Young Award winner Josh Beckett. A week ago, I would have questioned that move. But, ever since Matsuzaka was ignominiously released from my eighth-place fantasy baseball team, he has been taking measures to return to his strong early-season form. It's possible that being released, and replaced by the esteemed Yovanni Gallardo, was the wake-up call the Japanese right-hander needed. He now seems more comfortable using all of his pitches, and more comfortable just being himself. After 150 games with the team, he's now relaxed enough to dress the way he used to dress in his days with the Seibu Lions. He's no longer concerned about being as well-dressed as a David Ortiz, or a Manny Delcarmen. He's going to throw quality inning-after-inning the rest of the season, and he's going to dress like Dipsy the Teletubbie when he's not throwing those quality innings. Matsuzaka has found his comfort zone, and the Red Sox will be a better team for it.

Jonathan Robert Papelbon probably hasn't ever had too much difficulty finding his comfort zone. In the eighth inning of Friday night's game, however, he seemed a bit out of sorts. Giving up hits? AND runs? Not very Papelbonian behavior. But, the next day, he indicated that his poor performance was a result of a "mental concern that only happens a few times a year." With his third loss, he is now officially done with this concern for the 2007 season. So, instead of a mere 99.6% chance that he'll convert a save opportunity, that percentage is now an even 100. In other Papelbon news, the invincible closer's missing cellphone was found in the back of a Boston cab. The cab driver who discovered it indicated that it "belonged to a Sox player with a long "P" name." Which raises an obvious question. How could this cabbie not know the name "Papelbon?" Unacceptable. Perhaps he should be sentenced to drive his cab in the Bronx?

The Sox travel to Toronto to face the Blue Jays tonight. The Sox have won 81 of the 110 games between the two clubs this season. Tim Wakefield goes to the mound, as he prepares to be the fourth starter in the playoff rotation. The Boston Globe is also getting their playoff rotation in order, with the Big Three of Edes, Benjamin, and Malloy primed and ready for a long playoff run. With Globe's Big Three and the Sox' Big Four in top form, Boston shouldn't have too much trouble in the postseason. At least until their inevitable World Series encounter with the Philadelphia Phillies.

Streaking Bosox Attack Bombers

The Red Sox' streak was in jeopardy. With two outs in the top of the 9th in Chicago, David Ortiz lofted a fairly routine fly ball to left field. It should have been over, as White Sox LF Josh Fields pursued the final Red Sox out of the game. But then the miraculous happened. The ball dropped, and the Red Sox went on to reach double digits for the 4th consecutive game.

That was about it for suspense in the Red Sox' four-game sweep of the White Sox. Boston destroyed Chicago, outscoring them 46-7 in the four games. It was even more pleasant and relaxing than the three game series in Tampa Bay that had preceded it. And that Tampa series was pretty damn relaxing. With a three game set in NY on tap, the Red Sox are well-positioned to knock the Yankees (currently EIGHT games behind!) out of the divisional race.

Soxian blog posts, in these parts, have been as absent as Douglas Mirabelli in the past week or so. Between MLB Extra Innings and working to be able to keep my chocolate milk reserves sufficient, my vices have seriously cut into my blogging time. A new addiction to Gameday Press Pass, and some inopportune connectivity issues have also combined to reduce my output. A particularly brilliant Sox post, which took amost as long as the Nicole Richie's 82 minute jail term to construct, disappeared into the Blogger Void. Surprising insights gleaned from an interview with a Papelbon bobblehead were lost forever. Or at least until the inevitable "re-imagining."

Many of the components of the Sox' impressive success over the past week have been chronicled throughout the blogosphere. But there are some that have been missed, as well as some that could never be chronicled enough.

• Jonathan Papelbon hasn't pitched much recently, but when he has, the results have been Papelbonian. Since July began, he has been averaging 1.58 K/batter. Yes, Paps has been striking out each batter he's faced more than one and a half times per AB. Plus, his Scrabbling and Friendly's Scooping have made him the obvious heir apparent to Dennis Eckersley on NESN. When Paps retires from pitching. In about thirty years.


• While there has been some criticism that key players have been rested too often, keeping Amalie Benjamin out of the Tampa Bay series will pay dividends in the stretch run. Her paragraph count is already at a single-season career high, and she has used a lot of words in each of her articles this month. While they might have swept the Devil Rays with her, the right long-term decision was made.


• (Nick Cafardo + Jim Rice+ TC)<<< (Eck + TC) Hopefully, that unfortunate NESN postgame combo won't be seen again.


• NESN also needs to get some editing action on that scrolling bottom line of theirs. Spelling errors galore, game schedule/pitching matchups often a day behind, the only thing worse is that big graphic they show for games against the "Devils Rays." (OK, that Nick Cafardo thing: also worse.)


• Not Jason has pitched well for Texas, and David Murphy's 5 for 7 effort in the 30-3 game was about a week's worth of hits for J. D. Drew. But Eric Serge Gagne is getting his Sox' act together, and The Serge Protector will be a huge factor in the playoffs. "Huge" in a POSITIVE RESULTS way, not just in a bulky physique way. Still like the trade. Pour maintenant.


• A lot of Bobby Kielty Love going on right now. He has been a great pickup so far, but don't expect this level of success to be sustained too far into the 2020's. By 2024, he'll probably be a platoon player. His defense has been superb- he's made some catches that I don't really think Wily Mo Pena would have made. Plus Pena would likely have done structural damage to Friendly Fenway in the attempts.


• The acquisition of minor-league 1B Chris Carter in the Wily Mo Pena deal might not help the Sox too much on the field, as he is one of the few baseball-playing humans with less ability on defense than WMP. Despite his lack of skill with the glove, the screenwriting and producing aptitudes Carter displayed with the X-Files might be able to save Sox Appeal. Storylines with more aliens would certainly be a step in the right direction.

The Red Sox have their top three starting pitchers primed and ready. Two of three in New York is a definite possibility. But it's not who wins or loses- it's who takes the worse beating that counts.

Sox Silence Tribe

The Red Sox only managed one run on Tuesday night. But, with their pitching, who needs more than a single run? Daisuke Matsuzaka escaped some early wildness, pitching seven scoreless frames. To agent Scott Boras' delight, Dice-K threw only 98 pitches. To my delight, he provided one of my fantasy baseball teams (the third place Burninating Ostriches) with an ERA/WHIP-reducing W. He's definitely worth every yen. (At least he was Tuesday. His last few starts, not so much.)

Jonathan (Cincho-Ocho) Papelbon struck out two in the 9th, for his 23rd save. But that wasn't the only Papelbonian highlight of the night. The other highlight was his pre-game interview with Tina Cervasio, during which he spoke of his love of PB&J, as well as his quest to kill a moose. (A worthy goal, that.) But my favorite part was, when asked to name the opponent (non-wild animal category) who has the most success against him, he named journeyman OF Frank Catalanotto. This seemed strange, so I ventured over to baseballreference.com to check who had the best lifetime stats against Jonathan Robert. I went down the list of statistical profiles, without looking at who they belonged to, and found one batter with a .556 avg., in nine AB. Sure enough, it was Frank Catalanotto.

The Sox flashed some leather to protect their lead, with Youkilis, Lowell, and Wily Mo Pena all coming up with big plays in the field. 2B Dustin Pedroia, playing at Manny Ramirez-depth in RF (pre-Manny's chat on defensive positioning with Terry Francona), made a nifty play to retire Indians slugger Travis Hafner. I was concerned that the Sox defense would flounder without Batshit Tavarez out there giving direction, but it appears they are doing fine without him. For now. (Small sample size, folk(s).)

While the Sox only scored one run (against Indians ace C. C. Sabathia), their should be no concerns about their offense. Not with Dave Magadan as hitting coach. I saw a clip of Magadan smashing a playoff-winning hit for the Mariners against the Twins the other day, demonstrating the clutch-hitting that he has brought to the Sox. When anyone remembers that particular game, they always remember Griffey Jr's game-saving catch. Or the 12 yr. old managing the Twins. Or the Twins slugger who proposed to the 12 yr. old Manager's Mom after the game. But, for my yen, Magadan was the story of that memorable piece of baseball history.

The Sox send Josh Beckett to the mound tonight, facing the Indians' Fausto Carmona. Carmona has been lights-out this season, but the Sox own him. He probably still has nightmares about the Sox' beatings of him last season. Besides, Tom Caron remembered to thank Tina Cervasio AND Amalie Benjamin after their segment during the pre-game. And the Sox are undefeated in Beckett starts this season, when Caron thanks both Cervasio and Benjamin in the pre-game show. All signs point to the Sox' sixth win in a row.

Craphead

Yikes. That series in Seattle was not a fun time. (For Sox fans, at least. The Mariners' fans seemed rather pleased.) Three games, three Sox losses. When did the Mariners start being good anyways? They are nine games above .500 (42-33) these days, but besides Ichiro, Johjima, and Putz, who do they have? Apparently, they have a bunch of anonymous relievers with sparkling ERAs (though a bit on the WHIPpy side), and eight (!) players with at least twenty-eight RBIs. Nice. Their bullpen has lead them to a 3-0 record in extra innings, and a 13-9 record in one-run games. Yep, the Mariners have become good. But the Sox still should have been able to take at least one of the games in Seattle. (Note: Seattle is 24-15 at home, and 18-18 on the road. Very impressive.) Boston needs to do a lot better if these teams meet again in the first round of the playoffs. At least they aren't likely to be starting Batshit and Not Jason in the playoffs. Hopefully.

It has been a draining couple of weeks for this recently-infrequent blogger. Much working. Not much sleeping. Probably a similar schedule to Gordon Edes, actually. Except I don't have the magical properties of his Pad O' Stats to rely on. Curses. I might also be going through a "dead arm period", but I am not sure, as I have never actually worn a uniform. Perhaps I could take a page from the Baseball Desert playbook, and take a pre-game nap before the Sox' 10pm starts, but that would require missing exciting Phillies action. Besides, it's best to diversify, and have multiple favorite teams. (I learned the diversification lesson when I sunk my first million into Chris James rookie cards.) So, I do my best to stay awake until 1:30am watching the Sox, fueled by Aquafina and peanut M&Ms, and then get myself out of bed at 5am or so. Unfortunately, not unlike Julio Lugo, my best has not been good enough. Not by a long shot. I have missed many ABs due to intermittent napping, only to be jolted into consciousness by random low-flying airplanes, train horns, and rapping announcers. I consider myself fortunate that I have not been designated for assignment. Yet. (If J. C. Romero had been able to keep his WHIP under 1.9, Red Sox Nation may have cut ties with me first.) Fortunately, the Sox don't have another 10pm start time until August 3rd.

Boston really should have come up with the win on Wednesday. Monday night, with Batshit getting bombed (What was he doing throwing, instead of rolling, the ball to 1st base? Poor fundamentals!) and Tuesday night, when Not Jason seemed determined to walk as many opposing batters as possible in the time allotted, just didn't go well. But Wednesday did, at least pitching-wise. Matsuzaka was brilliant- eight innings, three hits, one earned run, one walk, eight K's- but wound up with a no decision. Benjamin turned in a strong effort on the Extra Bases Blog with frequent updates and subtle humor, though her use of the wrong form of the word "flare" cost Boston a run. I did not see CHB on the pre-game, which was also promising, as his appearance typically sends me into convulsions. (Somerville Hospital does NOT get NESN HD.) It is almost disconcerting having two such disparate entitities both writing for the Globe. Amalie, the Champion of all that is Righteous and Good. And CHB, who is well, not so much with the good. (Though, I must admit, every time Amalie writes a one sentence paragraph, I'm pretty sure an angel loses its' wings.)

But, most incredible of all, was The Great Papelbon. He entered the game in the 9th inning, with the potential winning Seattle run on 3rd, and only one out. He left the game after the 10th, having fiercely overpowered all five batters he faced. Two strikeouts. Fourteen of seventeen pitches thrown for strikes. Those 4402 offseason ducks stood a better chance than those five Seattle batters. Pure ferocity. Papelbon has a 0.93 ERA in June, with a delightfully miniscule WHIP of .41. But that's just part of the story. Since I acquired a Limited Edition Jonathan Papelbon BIG Bobblehead, he has appeared in six games. In those six games, he has not been scored upon. Six and two/thirds innings, two hits allowed, ZERO walks allowed, EIGHT strikeouts. That's a 10.79 K/9 ratio, for those without a conveniently located calculator. Needless to say, I have already ordered my Lugo bobblehead. (It may be our pink-tie wearing SS's only hope. Well, that or vitaminwater.)

Unfortunately, Joel Pineiro was summoned from the bullpen, dragging a balky ankle and a 4.80 ERA in for the bottom of the 11th inning. One out later, his ERA was 5.04, and the Mariners had piled onto the field to celebrate their walk-off victory. Craphead.

The Sox return home this weekend to face Texas (they play those Texas dudes A LOT!) in a three-win series. (Yep. Three WIN!) They still boast the best record in the league, but the LA Angels have pulled to within .003. It's time to increase that margin, folks.

Sick, But Just in the Head...

Those of you who have followed Julian Tavarez' careers in the baseball and adult film industries have a good idea of his makeup. Sure, he is a bit erratic, and prone to control problems. But he is always willing to take the ball, whenever he gets the opportunity. His manhood is not to be questioned. Tonight, on his 34th birthday, he was suffering from flu-like systems that would have scratched a lesser man from his start. But Tavarez, seen dressed heavily before the game, indicated that "his head was sick, but his arm was fine." These conditions were less than atypical for the veteran pitcher, so he was good to go.

Mike Mussina got the start for the Yankees. He was not good to go. In the top of the 1st inning, the Sox sent eight batters to the plate, and jumped to a quick 3-0 lead. Mussina got to two strikes on five of those batters, but just couldn't seem to put them away. (The leisurely pace of his 85 MPH fastball may have been a factor in his inability to close out at bats.) The big blow was a three-run HR by Manny Ramirez, his 7th of the season. The Sox looked poised to knock Mussina out of the game early, and then the bats would feast on a banquet of overused Yankee relievers. Even J.D. Drew (.179 in May) was salivating at that prospect.

Mussina, though he allowed a solo HR to Mike Lowell (9) in the 4th, managed to hang in the game. The Stanford Economics Major even threw a very economical 8 pitches in the 6th, and was sent out to start the 7th. Whereupon the Sox finally finished him off with three more runs. I was very surprised Yankees MGR Joe Torre left Mussina out there so long (99 pitches), but the weak Yankee bullpen was probably a factor in Torre's decision-making. Mussina's final line was 6.2 IP, 10 H, 7 ER, and his ERA jumped to 6.52.

Batshit Crazy Tavarez also had some control problems (four walks), but only allowed three hits in his 5 2/3 innings. He held the Yanks to two runs, and left the game with a 4-2 lead. Tavarez threw 106 pitches (only 58 for strikes), but gutted out his third win in seven innings. He performed very well, especially considering his illness.

With the Sox leading 7-2 into the bottom of the 8th, I was rather shocked that Terry Francona sent Hideki Okajima out for his 22nd appearance of the season. (Perhaps Francona was exhibiting symptoms of Tavarez' illness?) Surely, the Sox could hold the Yanks to four runs or less, without having to use Okajima or Papelbon. The pitchers I would have used in the 8th inning, instead of Okajima, include: Snyder, Romero, Pineiro, Eckersley, and McCarty. That is just a partial list. Okajima had almost nothing, but Francona left him out there for the 29 pitches it took the Japanese southpaw to get through the inning. He allowed one hit, two walks, and one run. Only 15 of his 29 offerings were for strikes.

Then, with a 7-3 lead in the 9th, Closer Jonathan Papelbon was called into the game. He also labored a bit, walking two, before he used a 95 MPH heater to close out the Yanks. He threw 25 pitches, only 14 for strikes. Usually, I am very excited to get to see Papelbon pitch, but this was not the type of game in which I want to see him involved. We need to have improved Papelbon Conservation. Hopefully, using the two bullpen aces tonight, for almost 30 pitches each, won't make the pair unavailable later in the week, when they are needed in a close game.

I was very excited to see Dennis Eckersley back on the pre-game show. He was missed. Gordon Edes threw out some serious stats in his appearance, which was strong. CHB stopped hyping his book (in the top 5700 in Books on Amazon.com!) for a live segment, but I didn't see it because my TV is programmed to block objectionable content. So I don't mistakenly see obscene things like CHB interviews, or Dancing With The Stars. But I'm sure all of his points were salient, and his references contemporary. (I'm kidding, CHB. Please stop e-mailing my boss!) Amalie Benjamin was absent, as she was receiving a well-deserved Doctorate in Sportswriting from Columbia. (No, it wasn't an "honorary" doctorate. If you read the Globe regularly, you wouldn't even consider such things.) It has recently come to my attention that Amalie trails Hazel Mae in Blogosphere Pos-Mens 1361 to 150, so I'm determined to do my level best to help bridge that gap. Because any post without any Benjamin or Papelbon Mentions just isn't worth reading. Unless it's a post about the Phillies, in which case it's simply lacking.

An Effective Fifth Starter's Start

The unthinkable happened Sunday. Jonathan Robert Papelbon allowed three "hits" and an earned run. It was the second time this season in which a Papelbon appearance included scoring by the opposition. Twice. In the same season.

DO NOT BE ALARMED! First off, it was a non-save situation. The Sox didn't lose, or anything crazy like that. (Now, THAT would be unthinkable.) Secondly, the "hits" were crap. Edgar Renteria dunked a weak bloop into short RF, that somehow fell between Pedroia, Crisp, and Drew for a wussy little single. Renteria then took off for second, as an indifferent Varitek allowed him the base. There was a second crappy single, in which the bat was, literally, split into pieces by the immense firepower of the Red Sox' 2nd best foosball player. Later, there was another single, this one was struck well, on a Pap slider. Everyone else- WHIFF CITY. Papelbon struck out the side with a ferocious mid-90's heater. Despite being touched for a meaningless run, which increased his ERA to a still-Papelbonian 1.76, Closer Boy was his usual dominant self. You can rest assured that he will be ready for the impending series against the fading Yankees. It doesn't seem likely that New York will be within three (or ten) runs in the 9th inning of any of the games. But Jonathan will probably come in for a scoreless inning in a non-save situation to get some work in/get his ERA under 1.70.

Kason Gabbard, called up from Pawtucket to make a spot start, pitched five-plus strong innings. He was charged with only two earned runs, both scoring after Brendan Donnelly was called into the game in the 6th. Donnelly seemed to be wearing Detroit Tiger SP Nate Robertson's spectacles, which may have adversely affected his effectiveness. Donnelly's sub-par outing (4 batters faced, 2 hits/1 walk allowed, 1 K) raised Gabbard's ERA from 0.00 to 3.60. Still, it was quite a satisfactory "5th starter's performance" by the 25 year old lefty. (Note: A certain Extra Bases blogger recently referred to a start by Julian Tavarez, in which he allowed ten hits and four earned runs in five innings, as a good "5th starter's performance." But, considering Batshit Crazy's ERA for that appearance was 7.20, it doesn't seem there was anything "good" about it.)

After watching Gabbard silence the Braves' bats today, I wondered what the Sox' record would be had he been in the rotation all season. So I ran a statistical simulation from the start of the season, with Gabbard taking all of Tavarez' starts, and Tavarez working out of the bullpen. The resulting predicted record for the Sox: 43-0. Even though Tavarez was projected to receive a ten game suspension for an incident involving poisoned darts, the simulation predicted that Sox would be undefeated with Gabbard as the 5th starter. Of course, the Manny-Batshit Love in the Dugout incident would never have occurred in this scenario. So there are pros and cons. (Note: I ran the same simulation with Papelbon in the rotation, and the result was a 58-0 record for the Sox. In 43 games.)

The game was delayed two and a half hours from the start. As a result, I only missed the first inning. However, the Sox scored four of their six runs in that inning. All four runs scored almost immediately after I crossed over from the highway into Somerville, a sudden outburst by the Sox that sometimes occurs as a direct result of my driving patterns. Jason Varitek (.280) had the big blow, a two-out triple, which cleared the loaded bases. The Sox have won seven of their last ten, building up some momentum as they enter their series in New York. Not that they need any momentum against the 19-23 Yankees, winners of three of their last ten.

Sox Win Rubber Game, Hamels on National TV

The Sox lost a tough one Saturday night, 2-1 in Minnesota. The Sox had plenty of chances to score (12 LOB), but just couldn't get it done. Twins ace Johan Santana pitched just well enough to win-5 IP, 7 H, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. The Twins vaunted bullpen shut out the Sox over the last 4 innings, not allowing a hit. It just wasn't the Sox' night. These kinds of losses will happen, occasionally, over a long season. (Unless you are the Phillies. In that case substitute "usually", for "occasionally.")

Batshit Crazy Julian Tavarez turned in an excellent performance, but still picked up his third loss in four decisions. He threw six innings, allowing only two earned runs, on four hits, and three walks. He struck out seven. Of the eighteen batters he retired, eleven were via the ground, and the other seven were strikeouts. He did not record a single out via the air. A bit unusual.

In additional disappointing news, Tavarez did not really demonstrate any of his patented Batshit behavior. (At least not that I observed.) There was some finger-pointing, as he directed his fielders to follow the correct sequence in recording outs on a double play. There was an interesting pickoff attempt at 2B, while intentionally walking a batter. But nothing that really stood out. At one point, I thought he had the hidden ball trick going on with Dustin Pedroia, but that was a false alarm. I'd like to see Tavarez try the hidden ball trick, without utilizing any teammates. I'm sure if anyone could pull it off, he could.

In Sunday's game, the Sox and Curt Schilling took a 4-0 lead into the 7th, and the bullpen of Okajima and Papelbon held on for a 4-3 win. I missed the game in its' entirety, so I don't really have anything useful to add. I intended to ignore the game, and then watch it after the Sunday night ESPN game, but the siren call of Gameday, and Amalie's Extra Bases Blog, was too strong. For a superb account of Papelbon's performance, look here. After reading that, I almost feel like I did see the Papelbonian brilliance that ended the game. Good stuff. The Sox only scored seven runs in the series, but still took 2 of 3. THAT'S what winning teams do, my reader(s).

In the ESPN Sunday night game, the Phillies and their ace, Cole Hamels, face the Giants, and rookie wunderkind Tim Lincecum. Lincecum, who looks extremely youthful in his Gameday picture, is in for a rude welcome to MLB. Perhaps even Chase Wright-rude.

This national TV performance could very well be the night that future HOF'er Cole Hamels becomes a household name. I expect him to finish with a complete game, 2 hit, 17 K, shutout. As well as solve that tricky global warming problem between innings. Go Phils!

Relieved

The Red Sox won Friday night, 2-0 in Minnesota. Their 1st place lead was increased to 6.5 games. Tim Wakefield, despite feeling almost as sickly as Dustin Pedroia's slugging pct. (.230), pitched seven scoreless innings. David Ortiz hit a HR that would have probably landed in Milwaukee, had the stadium been less dome-y. Coco Crisp made a nice running catch in the kitchen goods aisle.

But the highlight of this game, as well as every other game, and in all likelihood, life itself, was Jonathan Papelbon. He has recovered quite nicely from the unfortunate events of the other night. You could tell before the game that he was in form. As Tina Cervasio did her pre-game interview with Amalie Benjamin (Amalie was rocking the hipster glasses again. Well-played, Amalie!), Jonathan was shenaniganzing in the background. He was jaunting in from the outfield with several
teammates, jawing excitedly, and waving his arms in a most animated and Papelbonian manner. If only we could have known what he was yammering about. (Reason #585858 that we need a Papelbon Channel, hosted by Amalie Benjamin.) I can only speculate that he was speaking about the early morning duck hunt, IN the Metrodome, he had to cheer up Mike Timlin. Closer Boy made quick work of the Twins in the 9th, picking up his 9th save. The Sox improved their MLB-best record to 19-9.

The Sox next face the Twins on Saturday night, with Batshit Crazy Julian Tavarez on the mound, opposed by Twins ace Johan Santana. A tough matchup, but Julian Tavarez has a decent chance for success tonight. Provided he is allowed to use his crossbow.

Blown

Jonathan Papelbon just blew a save. He gave up hits. HITS! There was a cheap 2-run HR. Even a walk. I can't believe what I just saw. It totally wasn't Jonathan's fault, however. Sure, when he entered in the 9th to get the final three outs, the Sox led 4-2. When the top of the 9th was over, the game was tied 4-4. Yes, he pitched the whole inning and gave up both runs. But there were extenuating circumstances. He had equipment problems with his athletic supporter, which adversely affected his velocity and control. There was a guy in the stands, between home plate and 3rd base, sporting a hideously bright orangey neon hat. That questionable attire choice was affecting Jonathan's ability to see the signs, and the plate. Only a pitcher of his caliber could overcome these obstacles to even get out of that inning with a tied game.

As Jonathan sat in the dugout, with his emotions running the gamut from despondence to intense rage, we both struggled on the steps to acceptance. I empathized with him as he slammed a water bottle and, later, his glove, against the ground. He raged in the dugout, frustrated at himself for being only 99.99999% perfect. I raged at the fans, as many of them smiled and chatted in the stands. "THIS IS NOT A JOVIAL TIME! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!",I shouted at my TV. Brendan Donnelly came on in the 10th, and blew the tie. He can see the future with his glasses, but that knowledge did not help him avoid his destiny.

As the Sox batted in the bottom of the 10th, some of the fans were still enjoying their time at the ballpark, yapping on their damn cell phones. But others, like me, were intensely focused on the game, still hopeful of a Sox victory. The Sox failed to score, however, with the game ending on a long fly off the bat of Kevin Youkilis that died just short of The Monster. A little duck tail-sized piece of Jonathan Robert Papelbon may have died tonight also. As well as the dream of a 0.00 season ERA.

I'd like to drive down to the ballpark right now to cheer up poor Paps. I'd let him vent for awhile, then we'd play a game or two of Yahtzee. That always makes him feel better after a blown save. Or it did that one other time he had a blown save. But I am still banned from the Sox clubhouse. Even though nothing was ever proven. So, I'll just have to hope he is OK.

(Note: The following paragraph is where an ignorant blogger prattles on, clearly demonstrating his stupidity. You can go ahead and skip it, if you wish. Thanks for the heads up, Beth.)

Curt Schilling pitched well tonight, allowing only two runs over seven innings. His ERA is now a spiffy 3.15. But there is a concern that needs to be addressed. CURTIS MONTAGUE. Was it really necessary to write a comment on your shoe, referencing last week's "Sock-gate?" Let it go, Curt. Everyone knows it was blood. You got the last word on your blog. (Probably the last 1500 words, actually.) Just move along. You're a tremendous pitcher, and a prolific blogger, but this kind of crap just detracts from your rep and your Wikipedia page. Quit it.

Don Orsillo made a fashion faux pas of a serious nature with his clothing selections, and Jerry Remy let him have it. The Remdawg inquired as to whether Don had been shopping off the clearance rack, let Don know that he was "ready for Ft. Lauderdale", and asked him when his "shuffleboard time" was. Good stuff. Tina Cervasio should have gotten Neon Hat Guy to weigh in with his views on that topic. Alas, she did not. Just another reason Amalie Benjamin should be handling that role.

Finally, a Sox Ball Dude played a ball that was in fair territory, gifting the Athletics with a ground-rule double. Later, a foul ball went down the LF line, where a new Sox Ball Dudette opted not to play the ball. She even refrained from retrieving the ball, forcing the 3B umpire to go down and get it. (Manny was on nap time at that point, apparently.) She seemed fearful of being involved with the ball in any manner. Perhaps she didn't want to share the same fate as the Ball Dude who preceded her. But what was his fate? Was he released into the Fens to fare for himself? Is he hanging in effigy from the Green Monster right now, alongside Neon Hat Guy? We may never know. (Well, unless good ol' Amalie blogs about it.)

1st place Sox win again!

It didn't look like a promising matchup for the Sox in the rubber game of their 3 game series in Toronto. Red Sox SP Julian Tavarez, more known for his batshit behavior than his pitching proficiency, had not pitched for 12 days. He was opposed by Jays ace Roy Halladay, perennial Cy Young award winner, who was coming off a brilliant 10 inning complete game victory against Detroit. I didn't expect a Sox win under these circumstances, I merely hoped for some crazy antics from Tavarez, and perhaps an Amalie Benjamin appearance or two.

Julian displayed his usual bizarre mannerisms, but no particularly noteworthy crazy batshit stuff. There were no Amalie sightings, but I may have been distracted by the Phillies concurrent win over the Nats, and missed her. (Curses!) I will need to be more diligent in the future.

On the plus side, however, the Sox won! Batshit pitched only adequately (5.1 IP, 3 ER), but the Sox bullpenners (Pineiro, Romero, Timlin, PAPELBON!!) shut out the Jays for the final 3.2 innnings. Timlin allowed a hit and a walk in his shutout inning, but got out of the jam, showing the same ferocious determination he likely displays on the Killing Swamps of the South, in his excursions with his young sidekick, Closer Boy. Jonathan Papelbon came in to save the win in the 9th, walking 1 and whiffing 2 in another shutout inning by the ace closer. Papelbon has just been incredible this season. Papelbon's pitching line is 5.1 IP 1 H 0 ER 2 BB 11 K (!!!) so far this season. These numbers are as insane as his offseason hunting statistics. He has a .56 WHIP and a 18.56 K/9. When he enters the game, the opposing team can pretty much abandon all hope.

The Sox, despite their strong bullpen performance, still trailed Roy Halladay and the Jays by a 3-1 score, entering the 8th. Coco Crisp, who went 2-4 to raise his average to .167, started the inning with his 2nd bunt single of the game. Halladay retired Kevin Youkilis for the 1st out, but Jays Manager John Gibbons opted to remove his ace starter, bringing in southpaw reliever Scott Downs to face David Ortiz. Downs retired the Sox slugger on strikes for the 2nd out. Gibbons then opted to bring in reliever Shawn Marcum to face a slumping Manny Ramirez. That move backfired quite badly, as Manny tied the game with his 1st HR (finally!) of the season. Gibbons probably should have kept Halladay, who had thrown only 95 pitches, in the game. Alex Cora, starting at SS for Julio Lugo, saved Timlin in the bottom of the 8th, by turning two despite the attempt by burly Jays 1B (6' 2", 235 lbs) Lyle Overbay to break up the DP. Cora then tripled in the 9th off Jays closer Jason Frasor, keying the 2 run rally that help clinch the 5-3 win.

Now would be an opportune time for Manny Ramirez to heat up, with the Sox playing a 3 game series at home against the archrival Yankees this weekend. The pitching matchups (Schilling v. Pettitte, Beckett v. Karstens, Matsuzaka v. Chase Wright) seem to favor the 1st place Sox- I think 2 wins this weekend is quite possible. Go Sox!

Sox in 1st place!

The Red Sox moved ahead of Toronto (by .5 game), New York, and Baltimore (by 1 game) into sole possession of 1st place by defeating the Blue Jays tonight, 4-1. Tim Wakefield picked up his second (should be his third, though, damn Tejeda!) win, allowing only 1 run in 7 strong innings. He lowered his ERA to a sub-Beckett (1.50) 1.35. The Sox pitching is looking mighty good these days. David Ortiz hit his 5th homer, Doug Mirabelli (!) his 2nd (!!), and Mike Lowell his 1st, in an astounding show of offensive support for the ancient knuckleballer. However, Manny Ramirez (.191 batting avg., 0 HR), Coco Crisp (.136), and Dustin Pedroia (a Pawtucket-worthy .188) combined to go 0 for 10. Once Manny starts to hit, and Coco and Dustin grab some pine, the Red Sox will be totally unbeatable, as opposed to their current state of virtually unbeatable.

A somewhat surreal moment occurred late in the game tonight. I'm not talking about Doug Mirabelli providing offense. Or about any fans hurling ballpark fare at each other. (Note: "He is the Pepsi Fan of the Game, at least until he gets thrown out" has to be the Quote of the Year (non-Papel-blog Division)). Geddy Lee was probably at the game, but that's not surreal either.

The Great Jonathan Papelbon came on in the 9th to finish up for a conventional save. Unusual, perhaps, but not the surreal moment to which I will refer. After whiffing the 1st batter (Lyle Overbay) to face him, Jonathan Papelbon ALLOWED A HIT. A single by Jays 2B Aaron Hill. I was pretty surprised that the game wasn't stopped so that the ball could be saved for Cooperstown. PH/C Gregg Zaun followed with a walk, and the Jays had 2 runners. AGAINST PAPELBON. AT THE SAME TIME! Inconceivable. Following a sermon on the mount by pitching coach John Farrell, during with Jonathan did NOT cover his mouth with his glove (because he doesn't care if the opponents know what he is thinking- in this case, it was revealing to Farrell that "Papelbon" is worth 14 points in Scrabble) the indomitable closer struck out the next 2 Jays to end the game. Jonathan's OBA had been elevated to a non-Papelbonian .148, but I'm sure he'll get that back under .100 shortly.

In related Papelbon news, I have learned the following this week, which may be of assistance to my reader(s):

• Making Papelbon references in a written evaluation is not necessarily "managerial" or "appropriate." (So, keep your Papelbon references in the workplace veiled.)


• If your boss asks what you are up to, the reply "writing a Papelbon haiku" may not be the best response. (Instead, use "giving subordinates direction via written communication.")


• Not all subordinates value the creativity of receiving direction via haiku. (Try a tanka.)

Finally, when speaking about a 3rd party in positively glowing terms, refrain from utilizing the phrase "innings-eater." Because, even though you may realize the term has positive connotations (unless prefaced with "league average"), others don't necessarily come to the same realization. They could become a bit disconcerted when the report, inevitably, makes its way back to them. Especially if they are on the rotund side.

The Origins of Ruin

Excellent win by the Sox tonight, 3-2 in Texas. Curt Schilling pitched 7 extremely effective innings, allowing only 1 run on 4 hits.His command was excellent, but he probably should have shaved some of that scruff, considering that this was a nationally televised matchup. Hopefully, he will analyze his decision-making process on that in his next blog post. David Ortiz finally hit his 1st HR, then hit his 2nd HR in his next AB.

In a progressive move by Terry Francona, Closer/Jedi Jonathan Papelbon was called on with one out in the 8th, the tying run in on base, and the middle of the Rangers order due up. Closer Boy was lights out, getting the final 5 outs (3 K) without difficulty. I like the Jamesian thinking by Francona, bringing JP into the game in the 8th, in a higher leverage situation, instead of going "by the book" and waiting until the 9th to utilize Papelbon. With an off day tomorrow, and a light workload over the past week, this was probably as good a time to use JP for a 5 out save as you will see. I just hope Francona doesn't, as a result of the shortcomings of JP's bullpen mates, use Papelbon for more than an inning too often. JP's fantasy baseball owners might not like seeing him work out of a jam in the 8th, only to see Romero, or somebody, pick up the save by facing the bottom of the order in the 9th, but if that's the best way for the Sox to win, I'm all for it. (Plus, I also have Putz and Nathan for saves on my Papelbonian fantasy team.) Jonathan won't mind if he loses a few saves to secure wins for the Sox, as he is the consummate team player. (And also because his contractural incentives are tied to Duck Kills, not Saves.)

The Sox lost a crappy game on Saturday night, with Batshit Crazy Tavarez pitching ineffectively, and not doing anything notably insane to make up for his poor pitching. The Phillies dropped to 1-4 on the young season, combining poor starting pitching, minimal clutch hitting, and miscellaneous acts of crappyness to drop games in Florida on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon.

The Sox and Phils have had some positives in the early going, but I have seen some troubling concerns that could be the "Origins of Ruin" for these projected contenders.

The Sox have a front 3 (Schilling, Beckett, Matsuzaka) in their rotation that could be extremely strong. I wouldn't be surprised to see the trio combine for more than 45 wins this season. But Tim Wakefield would be better cast as a #5- his value is mostly derived from his ability to eat innings. Most of Julian Tavarez' value is derived from his ability to engage in the shenanigans,he's not going to eat too many innings. It wouldn't be surprising to have Tavarez and Snyder split the 1st 7 innings in each of Tavarez' starts. The Sox might be better served with Tavarez in the pen, and Hansack serving as the 5th starter, at least until it is Lester Time.

The black hole that is the bottom 3rd of the Sox lineup also has to be a cause for concern. That kind of thing might fly with an NL small market team hoping to possibly contend in 2012, but for the Red Sox, not so much. Jason Varitek, even considering his strong glove and leadership abilities, needs to do much better than a .125 average. (There is a small sample size here, obviously, but his .238 average in 365 ABs in 2006 wasn't so hot, either.) Coco Crisp is up to a .150 average, with a 1 for 3 night tonight. I'd like to see Wily Mo Pena start getting more ABs, despite his defensive shortcomings. While 2B/Hobbit Dustin Pedrois is currently batting .313, I don't think the wee lil' guy is going to be hitting that well for very long. I hope that he is replaced by a more capable vet by midseason, even if the acquistion cost is Manny Delcarmen. Relying so heavily on the top of the order to produce the offense, could prove to be problematic over a long season, especially if there are any injury issues to the top of the order.

The biggest Phillies concern right now has to be the fact they they don't actually seem to have a bullpen. Flash Gordon seems to be on borrowed time, and he is the best the Phillies have, at least until the inevitable Flash breakdown. In which case Madson would probably close games? Yikes.

While the Phils offense has been pretty good, in terms of getting on base, the scoring after getting on base hasn't worked out too well. They are missing too many opportunites by not hitting well with runners on base (with the exception of Patrick Brian Burrell, who is an offensive juggernaut in all situations)- the LOB/game is quite bad. They have consistently missed opportunities to score in the early innings, fallen behind, and fallen just short in their attempts to come back.

The Phillies have also been hurt by the random acts of stupidity. Bad baserunning, poor situational hitting, and fielding lapses have really hurt them. Helms, Rowand, Howard, and Werth seem like they are swimming out there in the field. Not graceful and fluid Baywatch-type swimming. The haphazard, unathletic SexyDrownWatch kind. A contending team doesn't give up so many extra outs on defense, and takes advantage of the extra outs gifted them by the opposition.

The Phillies are in New York Monday afternoon, with Cole Hamels facing the Mets. The Sox have an off day, before sending Josh Beckett to the mound in the Tuesday Home Opener against Seattle.

In quite possibly the most exciting release last week (even more exciting than the release of Dustin Hermanson by the Reds), progressive metal stalwarts Redemption debuted their 3rd album, "The Origins of Ruin." A superb Papelbon-esque effort, well worth checking out.

The Return of Closer Boy

Ever since it was reported on ESPN (and the Breaking Sox News Blog) that Jonathan Papelbon would be returning to the closer role, there has been much discourse and speculation about the situation. Wasn't it supposed to be better for JP from a health standpoint to be a starter? Was this decision made because of the current team's lack of a viable closer of the non-Papelbonian variety? Was it because Tito wants JP to keep the 4402 duck carcasses in the bullpen, as opposed to in the dugout?

We've had various Sox players, various media types, bloggers, and other randoms weigh in on the situation. Surprisingly, even the typically laconic Curt Schilling had some comments on the matter. My favorite contributor, besides Papelbon himself, would have to be PapelMOM.

But there is one side to the decision that I don't believe has yet been satisfactorily examined.

The ramifications of the move of Julian Tavarez to the starting rotation. When I think of what kind of contributions I expect from each player, I think of what each player symbolizes to me. Varitek=Leadership.

Youkilis=OBP.

Pedroia=Pawtucket.

When I think of what I want from Tavarez, one thought jumps out at me. I want the SHENANIGANS. The Batshit Craziness. The Sox need a major contribution from Tavarez if they expect to do well in the Random Acts of Senseless Standings. I'm just not sure that the Sox are putting Julian in the best position to help in the area where he can best contribute.

First off, Julian is more comfortable as a starter. If there's anything we don't want it's for Julian to be comfortable. Then there's less of a chance he'll randomly bodyslam an umpire. Or throw empty buckets of sunflower seeds into the stands in New York. As a starter, he'll probably appear in 30 different games, as opposed to maybe 80 different games as a reliever. Baseball Prospectus has proven that there is a higher incidence of Tavarez Craziness in games that he is actively involved in. It doesn't take a SABRmetrician to figure out that 30 is less than 80. While Tavarez' total IP will probably double, and it is possible that he will respond to batters that got a hit off him in their 1st AB by plunking them with a fastball (or a bat) in their 2nd AB, the probability of Batshit Craziness has decreased dramatically with Julian's insertion into the rotation. That is a tough pill for any Sox fan to swallow. Perhaps even tougher than that "Pedroia is a major-league 2B" pill.

During today's Sox-Reds game on ESPN, a Papelbon anecdote was related by the announcing team. Jonathan forgot to bring his baseball glove to the game. So he asked Varitek if he could borrow one of his.

In 10 years, I hope to still be hearing random Tales of Papelbon. Tales about ducks. Tales of money-making opportunities. Tales of awesome vehicles and crappy-tasting chicken. I hope that the Red Sox always act with Closer Boy's best interests at heart. Because he is the future. Not just of the Sox, or of baseball. The Future of HUMANITY. But I've already said too much...