Curt Schilling is not the only Rookie Blogger with the sources necessary to the be the first to break Red Sox News. Here are some of the Sox stories you'll be seeing in the next few days: Jonathan Papelbon and Terry Francona announce a "strategic partnership" with George Lucas. Jonathan indicates that he is going to make "you know, gazillions of dollars."
Julian Tavarez is jailed after a failed attempt to break Ugueth Urbina out of a Venezuelan prison. Kyle Snyder (formerly of grunge band Alice in Chains) is chosen to replace Tavarez in the Sox rotation.
Mike Timlin denies a rumor that his injury concerns are stemming from an offseason hunting incident involving a rhinoceros. Jonathan Papelbon indicates that the rhino horn he is wearing around his neck was "found by Manny on eBay."
Dustin Pedroia is sent to Pawtucket after the Sox' request to allow Pedroia to hit from a batting tee during his At Bats is denied. Bud Selig labels the request "a travesty of mythic proportions." (He refrains from commenting on steroids or DirecTV.)
Terry Francona indicates that "they couldn't find a short enough batting tee anyways."
The Red Sox announce that, after "considerable internal discussion", it has been determined that Doug Mirabelli will be the catcher for all of knuckleballer Tim Wakefield's starts.
It is revealed that not only does Daisuke Matsuzaka speak English, he has a Masters Degree in the subject, and is the Editor for Schilling's blog. Schilling, through a Japanese interpreter, denies the need for an Editor.
(Next week's game stories and boxscores are now available through PhillyFanaticInsider.)
2 comments:
Julian Tavarez is jailed after a failed attempt to break Ugueth Urbina out of a Venezuelan prison.
This was funny for about three seconds, until it struck me that it's something you could actually imagine him doing. It would certainly put his Batshit Craziness into double digits... ;-)
I am fairly certain that between now and his 1st scheduled start on April 7th, Julian will try to spring UUU from jail.
I'll be monitoring Schill's blog for updates on this situation.
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